Reflections on this week

You may have heard about this on the news:
http://www.chron.com/disp/video.mpl/media/19875552?autoplay
Please watch the video above before reading for this post to make sense. It is from a Houston Police Department press conference on January 6, 2010. There have been other news releases since but this is the video that most sticks to the facts.

I knew Danish since I first started working at Lee High School. He often helped with the criminal justice class I co-taught last year. He knew the law that he'd learned through his LJ classes well and was passionate about helping our freshmen classes learn how to run a mock trial. He told me several times that he aspired to be a lawyer someday. Students and teachers alike saw Danish as a trustworthy student with a friendly, though sometimes boastful, personality that was eager to help people - with work, with copies, or anything else. He was a leader in our Law & Justice learning community Student Council and a lot of students looked up to him. Teachers enjoyed his conversation in and out of class, and though sometimes he showed the signs of senioritis, he was rarely a discipline problem. I now understand at a new level that you may never know of the pain or deceit that someone is hiding. And we all hide things and are capable of hiding things.

As you can imagine, this news was shocking to our school community. Our minds have been reeling this week. It may be impossible to comprehend when the image you have of a young man does not match the actions he has been charged of committing.

I was hesitant to write about all of this really...but I have to get my thoughts out so I can leave them be. So below are a collection of thoughts that have been on the forefront of my mind this week.

1. Deep grief. For Ms. Khan's life that is lost. For the actions Danish and Nur have been charged with and the life they have thrown away because of their actions.
2.Compassion. For many people, including myself, when we hear of situations as gruesome as this, our first thoughts may turn to justice being served. We may judge the people as horrible human beings, now not worthy of life. I've felt very convicted this week that it is not my job to judge Danish, but God's. I am not in any way condemning what Danish was charged with. But I do believe I am to pray for Danish to humble himself in true repentance. God has not left him, and does not want him to be alone. And if one day, Danish would cry out to God for forgiveness, my Lord and Savior Jesus Christ would accept him. This has convicted me to find a way, through God's strength, to forgive Danish and pray for him. He is so lost right now...
3.Conviction. At some point in my Christian walk, it became commonplace to hear that Jesus died for my sins. I have never known someone that killed another during this lifetime. Now, knowing someone that has been charged with murder puts it in a new perspective. I have also been a killer. Not in this lifetime, but less than 200o years ago, the evil thoughts and actions in me condemned Jesus of Nazareth to death. My sin might not seem as great to you or me sometimes as murder in this life, but sin is sin and "the wages of sin is death" (Romans 6:23). Also, "all have sinned and fall short of the glory of God." (Romans 3:23). Had it not been for God's great compassion on you and I, it might be me condemned to eternal death...Oh, how I praise and glorify HIS name because He has restored me to life. This shakes me to the core.
4. Desire for prayer. It is really the only way I know how to get through this situation. I'm praying for Danish to be moved by God's Holy Spirit to seek the Truth of a Savior. I'm praying sometime through his imprisonment, that God will send someone to read him the story in Luke 21:26-43. The criminal saw his punishment as due, feared God and believed, and Jesus forgave him on the cross. I'm praying for Danish to seek true repentance and leave this crumbling world of deceit. I'm praying for the other teachers and students, that somehow through all of this, our hearts will all be moved to seek God for comfort, truth and wisdom. And I'm praying that God will continue to strengthen me in my faith. Glory to Him for providing for me this week, it has not been an easy one.
The thoughts I've shared are amidst so many others of confusion and sadness. Please, if you pray, remember Danish, Lee HS's students and teachers and me as well in your prayers this week. Pray for the teachers that are desperately wondering if there's anything they could have done that would have prevented this, as it's an intense struggle for teachers that were closest to Danish right now. Pray for strength and that I will be able to put thoughts of all this aside and be diligent to my job of teaching this week, as it was very difficult to do this last week.
In greatest appreciation,
Danielle

Full Sentences!

It might seem odd to be so excited about someone speaking in full sentences since I'm not a mother...but my students are my Kiddos and I'm incredibly excited that almost all of my preliterate students are speaking in full sentences in English. This is tremendous. They've only been in America for 3-6 months and most have never been to school before.
It took until May last year to see this type of progress with some of my students.
I'm not talking about the memorized phrases that students learn just by assimilating into American culture, such as, "Miss, may I go to the restroom?"
I'm talking about students conveying their thoughts and feelings! They are fully into the beginning stages of not just learning language, but manipulating language to serve a purpose!
Monday was such a fun afternoon. I was teaching the students about daily routines and asking them what time they eat dinner, go to bed, etc. And the students were able to joke and tease each other. In ENGLISH!
And the first notable sentence from my kiddo that is struggling the most came in this conversation:
Me: "Time for lunch. Good-bye! Have a good lunch!"
Student: "No Ms. No good lunch in the cafeteria!" With giggling.

I wish you could meet my students personally. I know it doesn't seem like much - but the little girl that said that has seemed like one of the saddest little girls I've ever met. She didn't like school. She'd never had an opportunity for school as a refugee. She had no confidence. And now she is learning to read, write and speak in English!

Praise God for the growth I see in my students. It's not by my strength or wisdom but HIS. Sometimes, it seems like the days only grow more and more tedious. But I'm confident that He has given me the wisdom I need to teach these kids. So the early Christmas gift I'm grateful for this year is....Full Sentences.

Dairy Free for Me!

I'm super pumped about this book and its companion website. Read below to find out why!

Ok, so here's the scoop (the soy scoop of course - NOT the ice cream scoop) :)


When I was 12, I started getting sick a LOT. Tons of sinus issues, a sinus surgery, lots of medicines, yet I was still nasally and miserable (as was my sister that I kept up all night with coughing and snoring). Love you sis, for still loving me!
A year later, we finally figure out that I'm allergic to dairy (whey protein to be exact). One day not eating anything dairy, I feel healed. Amazing. I can breathe! My throat doesn't feel like Hades! My headache is gone! Wait. Milk is my favorite thing in the world. How am I going to survive?
Ok, so at that point I was just glad I wasn't allergic to the cat <3 and started off on my journey to becoming completely dairy free. This was a long road that included hiding bags of cheetos in the computer cabinet to scarf down when no one was looking, deciding that sweets like cheese cake and cookies were exempt from the 'do not eat' list, and pretending that anything chocolate obviously would never make me sick. And yes, I still struggle with that last one...or two. But I haven't had a Cheeto in at least 3 years. Pinkie promise.

Now that I was dairy free, my family helped me discover some alternatives; the few that existed at the time. I had a very limited selection of soy and rice milk and nothing else. It took me about 2-3 years to actually start liking the stuff. Then to my amazement about 5 years ago the soy/rice/dairy alternative market exploded! I've learned to cook pretty well without milk during that time and have even learned to make my own version of "cream of _______" soups to use in common recipes. Go me!

But one thing I've still always hated is people’s reactions.

"Oh you can't eat milk, that's terrible. How do you live with that?"

Seriously. What am I supposed to say?

"Yes, it sucks. I'd rather be allergic to a food I hate, like peas." Or,

"I am jealous of that ice cream cake on your plate, just for the record."

No, I can't do that. I try not to make people feel bad for enjoying their dairy.

"It's not that bad, I've learned to live with it and there are great alternatives."

Ok, and that's the truth. Although deep down, sometimes I just want to stamp my foot like a five year old, whine, and taste whatever delish dish everyone else is enjoying, I'm ok with it. For the most part…

My husband has been an awesome support through all this. He lets me cook everything dairy free and raves about how good it is (even when it's not that tasty). He actually likes a lot of dairy free things I make and encourages me to embrace my dairy free lifestyle.
Now for why I'm super pumped about this website. Numero uno: I’m excited to have more recipes that don’t take all day and broaden my dairy free repertoire. Y dos: I'm excited to make foods for people that they'll have no idea are dairy free - and when they're in love and want the recipe - let them know "no cows were involved in this meal." YES! My desire to prove to myself and others for good that dairy free is not that bad. Actually, it's pretty good in some cases!

So, if you're feeling adventurous, let me know and Michael and I will invite you over for a dairy free dinner. If you're lucky, I might even let you have the recipe :)

 

Shedding tears

I made a grown boy cry today. I feel horrible. It started as an everyday confrontation - I was taking away his phone - the school's policy when a student has their phone out in class.

He was more reluctant that I expected - especially because this is one of my most stellar students - the kid that actually asks for homework and does everything possible to make me a happy teacher. He said he needs to call his parents during the day...

But dear student, unless there is an emergency, you can not do this. And he surrendered the phone  and apologized. But I could tell he was becoming increasingly  more upset.

Towards the end of class, some 40 minutes later, he was so upset that he left the room. And when he returned he was full out bawling. He wouldn't talk, or couldn't really because he was so upset. And I finally got him to say a single sentence.

Teacher, I no have parents.

And he lost it. I wanted to lose it too...the pain that was written on this boy's face. And I was confused - he said he needs to call his parents...is he calling to listen to a voice message? Maybe they are in Mexico while he is here. And when he returned to my room at the end of the day to get his phone, he clarified. No. No esta aqui - no esta alli - no esta. He lives with a guardian.

How hard this obviously is for him, I told him I can't begin to comprehend, and that I'm so sorry.

So I re-learned a valuable lesson today - how blessed I am to have parents that love me. And I remembered how infinitely blessed I am to have a Father in heaven that loves me. I want this child so desperately to know he is not alone. All of the students in my school need this message. I've seen that acutely these past two weeks, because you see, this is not the first grown boy to have cried in my classroom - it is the third.

The first cried because other boys are picking on him and he can't tell his family - he is living here with his uncle and his mother and father are in Congo. He is lonely. And he cried in my class and told me so.

The second cried because he had an earache and his eyes were searing but he has no healthcare. He is a refugee here and his family is past the 6 month period where the government provides refugee support. His father can't afford health coverage for all 8 people in his family. So he sat in my class and cried until I sent him to our school's free clinic.

In a world where boys try so hard to hold in their emotions, it has been heart wrenching to see three young men cry this week and last; a poignant reminder of how broken this world is.

Yet there is hope, and this is what sustains me.  

Then Jesus said, “Come to me, all of you who are weary and carry heavy burdens, and I will give you rest.Take my yoke upon you. Let me teach you, because I am humble and gentle at heart, and you will find rest for your souls.  For my yoke is easy to bear, and the burden I give you is light.”

I promise my next blog will be a happier post. But for now, I rest and reflect, to remember yet another deep lesson I've learned from my students. 

 

School Profiles just Released

For those of you that wonder more about the school I teach in, I am linking the district's profiles that were just released. Lee High School District Profile.

Overview:
*Graduate Count 07-08 - 226 students
(Graduate counts / dropout rates are always 1 year behind in TEA)

*This means in a school with approximately 2,000 students and an average of 500 freshman, only 50% of the students that began at Lee will graduate from Lee in 4 years.

*Missed AYP 3rd year

More numbers:

• 100% Title 1
• 91% Free / Reduced Lunch
• 85% At Risk
• 41% Limited Proficiency in English
• 41% Honors Classes
• 3% Gifted and Talented

ACT

• 20% at or above criterion for college admittence
• 17.2 Average Composite Score

SAT

• 398 Math Average (National Average 515)
• 385 Verbal Average (National Average 502)
• 378 Writing Average (National Average 494)

Names changed...but my gracefulness has not

Many wonderful things have changed over the past month.  Michael & I were married in June (YAY!) I thoroughly enjoyed the summer relaxing with my husband and setting up our apartment. We've settled into the rhythm (and sometimes disarray) of newlywed life, got a new kitten named Samson, completed my name change and started back to school. 

Though many things have change recently it seems my grand ability to make a boob out of myself has not. If you've known me long, you know I'm clumsy.  Like the silly little third grade girl that falls in the lunchroom and spills all her soup clumsy. One would hope this would fade with age but it seems that my disasters just keep getting bigger.

Michael and I were enjoying a pleasant bike ride tonight through a quiet subdivision near our apartment. The evening was beautiful, the humidity was low, and it felt great to be outdoors.  Things were going smoothly when all of the sudden I simultaneously hit a slick patch of mud and a ridge in the roadway. The result is my tire spinning out of control, my hands skidding on the pavement as I fall, and my left leg being pinned under the weight of my bike and my body. See pictures below.

And the whole time all I can think is ... am I really surprised? No. It's not that I expect these type of things to happen. But they just do and I am never surprised. Tonight though I don't loathe my lack of grace or bemoan the fact that I will never outgrow my clumsiness...but I praise my God. No matter how inept I may feel in my day to day life, this will never change His love for me. And it will never change His truths that I can do all things through Christ who strengthens me (Philippians 4:13)

So I feel incredibly blessed tonight to have a wonderful husband to take care of me, love me through my faults, and encourage me to see myself the way God sees me. So Honey, I thank God for you!

The Face of Poverty in America

Take a good hard look. This is the face of poverty in America. It has broken my heart and shaped me more than I ever knew possible in 8 short months. Thank God this is also the face of hope and determination. I am eternally grateful to have known these kids. And they will forever be my kids. I am proud.

This is why I Teach For America.